I never understood networking.  It was an advertised advantage of every big conference. However, I always found myself talking to a bunch of people I’d probably never see again and having no idea why. 

But I recently left a full-time position to go independent and all anyone talks about is leveraging your network.  So I started building mine.  At first, I was just looking for a blog audience.  Then I did some digital coffees as people reached out. 

Along the way, I’ve gotten better.  LinkedIn lets you search people and narrow it by geography, company, or job title.  My current process is inviting thirty strangers each day to connect, in fields that are connected to mine.  Around a third to half of them say yes and each one gets a low-key invitation for a digital coffee.  One or two of them take me up on it.  In two months, I’ve tripled my network from 500 to over 1,500.  I’ve met a lot of interesting people, picked up some new business, and most importantly, I’m starting to understand the value of networking.  For those still wondering, here is what I learned.

Jobs/Customers

Let’s start with the chief reason you’re talking to other people.  We are all in business.  If you are a small company, networking could connect you with a potential client.  If you are an employee, the right person might be a new opportunity. 

It is a good reason to get started, but alone it’s clumsy.  Connecting with people just so they can give you something isn’t effective.  For one thing, most of the people you connect with, are not going to be a client or a job opportunity.  That hard sale, or your rush to get off the phone wastes both your time, and they leave with a negative feeling. 

Besides, the hard sale does not work.  If you have something of value, when a customer finds you, they are going to be excited.  You have something they need.  They may need some time to come to that conclusion though, and a hard sale might convince them you are not the right answer (before they realize how great you are).  Instead, you are better off discovering more about them, offering great ideas, and then finding out together if it’s the right fit. 

Build Relationships

Your network consists of people you know. It gives you leverage to help others.  If you see someone with a problem, you may have seen someone else just solve the same problem.  You may have someone in your network that could solve the problem (or you may know someone who may know someone).  But to get that advantage, you have to know the people in your network. It starts with a conversation, and it helps to take notes, not just on the business items but on personal ones. Our success depends on our relationships, and those relationships are stronger when we take time to care about the little things.

Adding Value

One of the easiest ways to build those relationships is adding value to others. As you have a conversation, find out more about them (listening is perhaps one of the best gifts we can give another person).  Look for a problem they might have that you might have an idea for.  Point them in the right direction.  Don’t worry about the sale or the job, most of the time it’s not going to be there.

The funny thing is, it’s a lot easier to have a conversation when you relax and enjoy it.  You might be surprised along the way to find out there was more you could add than either of you thought.  If this is a potential client, you’re able to show you add value without focusing on everything being a transaction.  That is important.  We all want to do business with people we can trust. 

In the majority of instances when it’s not a sale (or a new exciting job opportunity), you help someone else out and learn a little more in the process.  You think about a different way of explaining a solution or applying it.  Seeing and fixing problems outside of your area help in your quest to become an expert.  And people remember the people who help them.  If there is ever an opportunity, you’ll be first in mind.

Learning

One of the fun surprises is often you don’t help someone else – they help you.  As I talk to people and hear their story, I often realize they’ve already solved a problem that I’ve been struggling with but may not have even realized I had.  Sometimes I’m encouraged by the success they’ve had or think of a different way I can help a client I hadn’t considered.  I learn how they connect with other people and more effective ways of working together.  At the end of the day, our success depends on the value we’re able to add.  There is no better way to increase that value than listening to people who have already found and applied the solutions you need. 

As I coach others in Agile, everyone looks to me as the expert.  Most of the time that’s fine, but on occasion you hit the really hard questions that could use a community.  Being a member of the right one means I can reach out to see what others have done to solve the problem.  It’s a little investment but having that network there when you need them is a huge advantage. 

Unfortunately, one of the less fun surprises I’ve had learning from others is what not to do.  Some people are just reaching out for that hard sale.  Others just want a captive audience.  But I learn from those as well.  Watching someone else do it wrong, helps me think about what I’m doing so I can think about how it’s affecting others, what to avoid, and how I can get it right.

Serendipity

It’s been an interesting journey.  Our world is so rushed today.  We are focused on setting goals and the doing whatever it takes to make that happen.  But we don’t leave enough room for serendipity – happy luck that provides just the right solution, right client, or right opportunity at just the right moment.  While those moments do happen by chance, we greatly increase the odds by creating the moments that make them possible. 

I know we’re all busy.  I’m in that boat as well.  And it’s hard to take a risk without being sure what you’re going to find.  Often we wait till we need the network to start building it. I wished I had started this quite a while back. There have been great lessons along the way. 

So start now. Reach out to someone you don’t know.  Ask a stranger to join you for a digital coffee.  You’ll be surprised at the results.